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COPYRIGHT 2002
Anthony Olszewski
"I want to buy a canary, but it's got to be a good singer. I've
got good, hard U.S. cash, but I'm only paying for a good singer."
The shop owner began moving a ladder towards a small cage on a
shelf about fifteen feet up, near the ceiling of the store. "Ma'am, I'm
forty years in this business. In that cage is the best singer I've ever
seen."
"Don't think I'm gonna feel obligated to pay for something I don't
want just because you're climbing up a ladder like a monkey. I want a
canary but it's got to be a good singer."
By this point the shop keeper was coming down from the ladder. "Ma'am,
this bird is a veritable feathered Caruso!" Placing the cage on the
counter, the bird burst into melody after melody.
Awed the woman murmured, "Why it is a good singer." Suddenly in
a shrill scream, "Hey, this bird's only got one leg."
The pet store owner was unperturbed, "Lady what do you want a
singer or a dancer?"
"Your honor, my wife has developed an obsession with rabbits. She
has rabbits in the kitchen, rabbits in the den, rabbits in the bathroom!
And with this hot weather, you just can't imagine what the smell is like
with all the windows closed."
"Why don't you open the windows?", asked the judge.
"I couldn't do that. All my birds would fly out!"
Though continuing to
practice conscientiously, he could only wonder about the practicality of
this exercise. The next day Barry Farber happened to be waiting in the lobby of a hotel. The
doorman carried in an ornate bird cage, containing a loudly protesting
parrot. The cage was handed to a bellhop, who proceeded to carry both cage
and bird in the elevator. Just as the elevator doors closed, a young lady rushed into the
lobby and, with great urgency asked in Modern Hebrew, "Where is the
bird?" In a clear case of synchronicity, Barry Farber was able to reply
in Hebrew, "The bird is in the elevator!"
Nobody's Perfect!
While extolling the virtues of PETCRAFT to a pet
shop owner in Manhattan, a short elderly woman burst into the store.It Takes One To Know One?
Early one morning, this past Summer, while feeding my collection
of canaries, finches, budgies, and parrots, I received a frantic call from
a friend. He was getting divorced and had to get to court, but was too
nervous to drive. He asked me to give him a lift to the court house. I
agreed. When we got there, since I had never been to a divorce court, I
decided to go inside. Once on the stand, my friend threw himself into
describing what an awful person his wife was.This One's True!
Here's a bird story from Barry Farber, New York City radio talk show host and language learning expert:
Studying Modern Hebrew, Barry practiced by listening to a tape. One of the
exercises asked, in Hebrew, "Where is the bird?" The correct response
was, again in Hebrew, "The bird is in the elevator."
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